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Sex After Love? Love After Sex?
Yoon Bo-ram Reporter  |  br8515@uos.ac.kr
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[0호] 승인 2011.04.10  
트위터 페이스북 네이버 구글
“Sharing a Bed, Does Not Mean That I Have to Go out with Him.”

This is a part of a dialogue from an actress who appeared on the drama ‘My Name Is Kim Sam-sun’, broadcasted in 2004. In the show, the actress slept with a strange man who she met just a few hours earlier. From the point of view that TV reflects reality like a mirror, the fact that one-night stand(informal term which means sex outside of a loving relationship someone such as you have just met that day) becomes one of the common topic in Korean dramas shows how loveless sex is taken in Korean society.

This fact also makes us to think about how far loveless sex has come. People have loveless sex in an offhand manner, and regarding this as being wrong seems to be strange…such is the world we live in. In the street, there are shops that commercialize sex such as kiss rooms and massage parlors, and red-light districts like Cheongnyangni 588 are scattered here and there. With commercial development, such commercialization of sex appears to send the message that ‘Sex without love’ is possible. By extension, one-night stand has prevailed among the youth of today. Therefore, not unexpectedly, the subject of this article is, ‘sex with the exclusion of love.’


Changing Public Attitudes Regarding One-Night Stand

An interesting survey about ‘Physical betrayal VS Psychological betrayal, what do you think of betrayal of love?’ was carried out on fashion magazine Cosmopolitan’s website.

400 people participated in the survey, and the survey showed that 56 percent of the women and 58 percent of the men responded that they would have a harder time forgiving psychological betrayal than physical betrayal. Subsequently, they emphasized that ‘if he/she did not love them, his/her past life (one night stand) could be forgiven.’ Last year, a marriage bureau carried out a similar survey and, the survey showed that 32 percent of the women, and 82 percent of the men responded that they could not forgive psychological betrayal easier than physical betrayal. It could be inferred from changing the results like this that public attitudes have changed regarding sex without love.


The Phrase ‘Loveless Sex,’ Are We Able to Say That?

So then, indeed, can the sentence ‘loveless sex’ exist? Overlooking at the dictionary definition of this phrase, love is a very strong feeling of affection towards someone who you are romantically or sexually attracted to. And sex is the physical activity by which people can produce offspring. That is, ‘sex to the exclusion of love’ means entering into a physical relationship without being madly in love with that person.

In modern society, the opinion that ‘sex between adults who approve of each other is normal’ is an ideal that is emerging that if anything could enhance human relationships and kick-start human development and growth it is good sex. Below are excerpts of varying people’s opinions about ‘sex with the exclusion of love. ’Which of the best opinion that reflects your thoughts and values? Read them and think about it.

A: Brothels such as kiss-rooms or massage-parlors are commercial activities. A person who sells oneself can make money by doing so and a person who buys their services can get what they want by paying for it. Simple economics. When looked at from this stand, one-night stand of this sort is merely economic transactions. Because everyone who participates in a one-night stand is able to satisfy their desires.

B: Sex without love is simply manual labor and nothing more. Sex should be an outgrowth which is developed as part of a loving process. If someone shares a bed without loving the other person, what is the difference between human sex and other animals mating merely to breed? Supporting loveless sex is the same as saying “I am an animal who acts on an instincts faithfully, no, I am inferior to the animal.”

A: Sexual violence may be committed because society discourages expressing and fulfilling sexual desire. Actually, everyone wants to be able to enjoy sexual freedom, and when they are told they can not, can become insanely frustrated. However, they are locked in a cast made by society. That is why they may not voice out their opinions. Already we are told what is wrong even before we can form our own sense of value, we are already told what is wrong. People should have the freedom to have sex as much as they want. A one night stand is a good way of bringing public interests in personal aspects and in social aspects.

B: Sexual violence is another matter. It is a mental illness where one cannot control their own sexual desires and appetites. So, it often hurt a third-party. Because we are humans who can think, we have to control our own appetites. We need to suppress our selfish desires in social aspects. That may be why specific legislation and ethics exist. If we have to resolve our sexual desire through loveless, one-night stand, who cares, we are just being human.

It may be expressed bigotedly. But we are going to cast a vote to A or B. Will you cast a vote to liberalism or human moralism?


Sex along with Love? Or Sex to the Exclusion of Love?

“Love is an experience in which our whole being is renewed and refreshed as is when the plants receive by rain after drought. Loveless sex does not have these things at all. After momentary sensual pleasure comes to an end, just only mental and physical fatigue, repugnant, and a sense of emptiness of life is being in you. Love is a part of life of the earth. However, SEX except Love is not.”
-An England Philosopher, Bertrand Russell

Sex to the exclusion of love could be disordered. Loveless sex functions as racial instinct and sensual pleasure, but, a person who has loveless sex could dare not to feel spirituality of human existence and free love zone.
-A Brazil novelist, Paulo Coelho


Already we are living in post modernism that we would use a word ‘mutual subjective’ rather than a word ‘objective,’ and we could not insist that ‘a certain opinion is right or correct.’ So, just it would be right that we also should acknowledge ‘the difference’ of any thought about sex, and live together. Actually everybody can have their own thought and sense of value. In the topic ‘love’ also, well, a little more ‘what should be’ ours sense of value might exist. Over the truth that the sense of value exists, it is right that we put into action just as we feel and think.

However we sometimes follow the general trend and behave as ‘following the crowds’ frequently. The subject ‘love’ approaches more serious and important to us, well, and should do. Therefore, reading this article, you need to reconsider about ‘sex’ except love rather than following the crowds. So, judge your REAL own sense of value and thinking in your deep heart. And become a man of action in that way.

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